Bali bogan influx proving troublesome

 Flint and the Bell Tower Times‘s network of sources have hooked up to get the to bottom of the Australian condition by any means necessary.

Northbridge, Chapel St, Kings Cross and Darwin CBD have become hotbeds of drunken Balinese anti-social activity. 

The loutish, tattooed Balinese flock to Australia in droves as the mining boom has flooded their tiny island with FIFO wealth. The average Australian spends a staggering $2,500.00 in Bali during the course of their 1-2 week vacation. When you consider the number of Aussies who holiday on the island, it is no surprise that the Bali economy is booming.

Balinese party-animals have been witnessed vomiting on the streets in popular party districts such as Northbridge, Perth or Chapel Street in Melbourne. One Western Australian police officer told The Bell Tower Times:

“They (Balinese) storm into our nightspots wearing singlets and board shorts. They rudely attempt to barter with bartenders and when they don’t get their way, they break neon signs and the like. The Balinese have studied the Aussie bogan, and they have learnt how to utilise obnoxiousness to get their way”.

The Bell Tower Times tracked down a Balinese lout that was chanting “Bali Bali Bali, OI ,OI, OI” while trying to convince a group of Australian girls that “Bali dick is better dick”, he told us:

“Where can I get some jungle juice? WOOOO Bali-c*nt!”

The problem is so bad, that many scooter companies have refused to rent out their scooters to the Balinese, noting that they are sick of “these drunken hooligans treating our streets like a game of Mario Kart”. 

It is feared that in time, the Balinese will adopt Australia Day as their unofficial drinking Olympics, and give the flag-waving Aussies a run for their money.

The Bell Tower times is run by collective of anonymous and shady Perth figures that have been reporting on ground zero of the Human Zoo we call Australia.

Image credit: Adam Cohn